I'm in school. I'm in school? Wait, what? Why? I don't know either. Yes I do. I sound indecisive. That's because I am. After taking a year and two month break from college, I'm back. I needed friends. That sounds lame. I need a degree. That sounds better.
It's weird being here. I feel old. Yeah, old. I'm still trying to figure out why. But for what I can decide, it's because the time I've been away, I've gone through so much. So much now that I feel out of place. Like I'm ten years older than the rest of these kids here. See? I said kids. Not fellow students. Anyway, I guess that my brain is just telling me (after having such a long break) that I'm done with school already, that it's ready for something else.
Now, instead of me viewing a text book or home work as assignments, I view it from a work mindset. It's a job. But it's not. Cause I'm paying out the wazoo for it. (Does anyone know where the wazoo even is?) And work is supposed to give money, not take. I already have a job. so I feel like I now have two jobs. One at which slurps up all the money the other gives.
So I feel like I'm at a stand still. I'm spending every penny I have, on someone telling me what chapter to read each day in a book about something in this crazy big world. Why don't I just get a library card, and write my own syllabus? Because I'm to stupid to do that. I have to go to school to learn how to do that. No, I'm paying for someone to observe me learning, and hand me a piece of paper with my name on it saying, "now you can get 100 more jobs than you used too!" But I have a job. I'm not worried about jobs.
Maybe I'm being cynical about it all. Probably. But I'll figure it out. It'll just take time. A lot of time. 80% of the people I know, and all most all of society want me to be here and do this. And 20% of everyone else doesn't think it matters. Where do I stand? In the middle. As always. Majority ruled and I didn't feel strongly enough about not going back, so I went. But there's still time to tell if I end up agreeing that school is as good as it is cheap, or if keeping good company and a steady job is the wiser decision.
I don't want to know your thoughts about this. Because I've had too many opinions already. I think what I really need to learn is how to make my own conclusions and think for myself. I can and do for a very few specific aspects. But when it come down to this? Give me two years to think about it next time. Or I'll always be confused.
To all of you who have and still are reading this. I'm truly sorry you had to read my rambling thoughts. Please ignore any and all of it. Especially if it didn't make sense, which it probably didn't. And most of all don't judge me on my editing, writing, clarity, or saneness. How about you just pretend none of this happened and go your way. Sounds good.
xoxo your confuzzled friend
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